“Sometimes I’ll get a message, and it will just say, ‘I want you to sit on my face.’” Those are the words of Samantha Bitty, a sexual health and consent educator, when talking about the type of messages she often receives on dating apps.
“I try to encourage people to flirt the same way they would in person. You wouldn’t be overtly sexual with someone you just met online,” adds Bitty, discussing how people need to address each other with respect online.
We live in an age ruled so much by technology that it has even entered our dating lives. Bitty says, “A decade ago when you met someone, there was some shame and stigma around it. But now, it is quite frankly the normal thing in the world after a certain age.”
Samantha bitty at a sex trivia event
A study by SSRS Insights found that “nearly half of adults aged 30 to 49 have used a dating app in their lives.” With such a high rate of people resorting to dating apps to find connections, it begs the question: Is organic love still possible in this age?
Bitty believes that “there are always going to be mechanisms for meeting people, but I think people get dating fatigue from apps, and it’s going to reflect what’s happening in our broader society.”
Additionally, the COVID lockdown contributed to the increased use of dating apps. “People who would have never previously gone on an app were alone in the house and needed connection,” says Bitty.
“We need connection, we need community, and we need sex and romance. It’s part of our humanity. The same way we use technology to facilitate other aspects of our lives, we’re going to continue using it to facilitate that aspect as well.”
Many people share concerns about their level of safety when starting an account on an app. Edmonton police recommend “keeping personal details to a minimum, messaging over the app or website instead of giving out your personal phone number, and remembering that people are not always who they say they are” as ways to stay safe when venturing into new online territory.
When asked what aspect of a person’s profile she finds most appealing, Bitty responded, “It doesn’t matter how hot they are, it doesn’t matter what stories their photos are telling me. If you don’t have enough intention, self-awareness, and self-love to write a bio, then we’re not going to work.”
When speaking to relationship expert Tyler Hulley, he compared dating apps to gambling. “It’s important to remember that dating apps aren’t just for fun. It’s easy to compare it to gambling in a sense, with the satisfaction of swiping left and right. Then, when you get a match, there’s a big blow-up on the screen with all these fancy colors and sounds, and suddenly you get a spike of dopamine, and now you’re wired.”
Whether you choose to approach a stranger you think is cute in a coffee shop or try your luck on a dating app, it’s important to stay true to your values and be respectful of others.
“I don’t know what the future of dating holds, but love, sex, our relational well-being, desire, and capacity do not exist in a silo.”
